Jean Spendlove

An Appreciation from Jane Barnes

I think if I asked for a show of hands here today for how many of us were just a little bit scared of Jean, there would be a good few of us, but in truth we weren’t scared of her, we just didn’t know how to respond to her directness, her clarity of opinion. For those of us who learned not to be offended by this directness, we soon got to know the side of Jean that was the kindest of souls.

Jean was many things to many people.

A loving sister to Margaret, a thoughtful and kind God-mother to Kate.

A scholar, with a passion for words and literature

A firm but fair teacher

A good neighbour.

A devoted and loyal friend, maintaining friendships over many years, in some cases as long as three score years and ten as Christine can testify.

A good and fair minded listener

A prolific writer of letters

An author whose love of history was encapsulated in her book

A baker of bread and muffins

A character with a wry sense of humour. Jean’s sense of humour stayed with her right up until the end, it was only a few weeks ago that she and I were able to share a little laughter about the joys of skinny dipping!

A practical and hard-working member of the community.

A conscientious and diligent pastoral worker, visiting people in the parish who needed company. She continued doing this even after they had moved out of the village. I remember her visiting old Mr Williams when he was in Clare House in Silverstone and Gladys Pomfrett when she went to live in Green Pastures in Banbury (the same care home that cared for Jean). This was long after she had stopped driving and it involved bus journeys and taxis. I remember thinking at the time that these were the actions of someone who lived and breathed the true spirit of Christianity.

We met Jean about 40 years ago, initially she was the old lady who lived at number 5 Field Way. We would pass the time of day, but over the years we got to know Jean better as did our three girls, especially Ami, who shared with Jean a deep love of nature and all things outdoors. She says, “I have fond memories of Jean taking a group of us on a night hike. I think we must have been in yr 5 or 6. She took us over the fields to Stutchbury where we slept in a barn on hay bales. We saw an owl and I am pretty sure she would have pointed out all manner of interesting details. Every time I joined her on a walk I learned something.

Another memorable occasion was teaching the girls how to vault a five bar gate, a skill that I trust they will continue to employ well into their old age, just as Jean did.

Jean continued to play an important part in our lives when my mother came to live with us. she would pop in for a chat with her while I was at work. At the end of Mum’s life when she was in Katharine House Jean visited her and was with her when she passed away. I couldn’t think of a better person to be by your side at this time.

(Jane finished by reading sentences from a book called Badger’s Parting Gifts, asking the assembled congregation to ponder on what it was that Jean meant to them.)

Jane Barnes

An appreciation from Chris Gartside

Jean was a remarkable lady, although it took me quite a long time to realise it. When we moved to Helmdon in 1984 to live in a house across the road from Jean, our initial interactions with her were not particularly positive. For example she would tell off our boys for skateboarding in the square, or admonish me for letting our privet hedge spread too far over the pavement. At the time we probably thought that she was an interfering old lady, but in her eyes she was performing her public duty, and she was probably right.

Over the years we gradually got to know her properly and began to realise that everything she did was well meaning, even though she might be considered abrupt. Jean always said what she thought and called a spade a spade.

My role here is to describe Jean’s life before she moved to Helmdon, obviously well before we knew her. I could not have done this without the help of a piece Jean wrote about herself in 2001 for the local history group. Local personalities were asked to write their recollections and Ren Gittens asked Jean. I think he bit off more than he could chew, because while most people’s words covered one side of A4, Jeans extended to about 16 pages. It’s all there on the Helmdon History website and, as with everything she ever committed to paper, it’s beautifully written using grammar that’s completely correct and with a wonderful way with words.

Jean was born on the 11th June 1931 in Wainfleet, Lincolnshire. This is where William, the founder of Magdalen College, came from. Her father was the head of the Magdalen College School there. The school closed in 1933 and her father became the first head of Skegness Grammar School which replaced it. Both Jean and her sister Margaret attended the school and Jean had a very happy time there. She described her time as very studious. Jean’s sister trained as a nurse at

King’s College Hospital and then worked more than thirty years in Canada.

Jean went on to study History at Lady Margaret’s Hall, Oxford and she enjoyed her time at university immensely. Her activities were not confined to history studies because she attended other lectures, went to amateur dramatics productions, took up rowing on the Cherwell and did some independent research, which was to become a big part of her life.

She got her degree and went on to do a B Litt for two years at Royal Holloway College in London. Following this she saw an advertisement for a place at Hillcroft College near Kingston which was, and still is, exclusively for women. She became a resident tutor in English history, often teaching women much older than herself. She described her time there as exceptionally rewarding, meeting many people with different backgrounds and opinions to her own. In her own words “I learned to regard my own education as a rare privilege that I had “earned” only by following my bent at the public expense”. She considered all the voluntary work she did after that as payment for her own education.

Jean left Hillcroft because she didn’t like some aspects of the job she had, not because of the teaching part. She found a teaching post at Chipping Campden Grammar School and she was there for about 3 years in the early 60’s. During that time she took a course in silversmithing at the renowned Guild of Handicrafts, which is still there and unchanged, so that Jean would still recognise it. She produced beautifully made silver spoons for some of her friends – you can see some of these at the back of the church. It’s an example of how Jean was almost obsessive in completing a job properly, although that didn’t always extend to keeping her written records tidy.

Jean resigned from the school when it became comprehensive. She believed that her style of teaching wouldn’t fit with the wider range of abilities of the resulting pupils.

Her next position meant a move to Manchester in around 1964, teaching history at the Manchester College of Commerce. Shortly before this move Jean had started writing a novel, but it was never completed because teaching and writing at the same time proved impossible. In Manchester she was encouraged by a Professor in her department to study documents from the time of the French Revolution, which were held in the John Rylands Library. This was the start of her interest in the subject, which she meticulously researched for the rest of her life, culminating in her book “For Freedom to be Equal” which was published in 1982.

Jean was in Manchester until 1970, when she made her break in order to concentrate on writing. Her parents then lived in Worthing but Jean couldn’t afford to buy a home close to them. She had friends living in Northampton so she looked for a house between there and Oxford, still within reasonable driving distance to Worthing. That’s how she came to buy a home in Helmdon, which was Hillcrest at 54 Wappenham Road. The house had a small garden and no room for her car, but Geoff Gulliver offered a parking space in his farmyard and she was able to find an allotment, so the arrangement suited her perfectly.

This was the start of the rest of her life in Helmdon. She threw herself into local activities – the Church, Parish Council, youth clubs, WEA, Dippers and many others. You will hear about some of these a bit later.

Jean was very articulate and correct in her speech, but a few days ago I heard of an occasion when she was caught out. Richard Phillips described meeting Jean when he had just bought the Bell pub. He was doing some work outside and Jean was walking past with her dog. She said “Are you the Bell”. Richard replied “No, the Bell is this building behind me. I’m Richard Phillips and I’m the new landlord of the Bell”.

He was of course being cheeky, but it occurred to me that this was exactly how Jean would have replied if the boot had been on the other foot. Jean had a lovely sense of humour and I like to think she would have had a secret giggle.

Jean was always extremely self-sufficient and independent, but when she was in her late 80s she became less able. We began to help with her daily routines, such as cooking for her. She once asked me why we were doing it. I told her that she had spent all her life helping others, so no-one deserved help more than she did. I don’t think she agreed with me, but I’m sure everyone in this church today certainly would.

Chris Gartside

An Appreciation from the Rev. John Roberts

I first came across Jean and her forcefulness when we were dealing with the possible closure of Radstone Church. It was before I officially became Vicar here – Jean was Churchwarden at Helmdon which included responsibility for Radstone, and she was determined to do what was right for the community there and the church.

There are so many epithets one could give Jean, but I keep coming back to the word ‘Formidable’ – not in any aggressive or fearful way, but as someone who made an impression on young and old – certainly you always had an opinion which persisted. I told my daughter Kate – now 48 – who encountered Jean as a young teenager she was obviously saddened by her death and had vivid memories of her fasting for a particular cause and had always tried to follow her example. Jean had the ability to minister to the elderly and dying with empathy and care and was just as comfortable talking to the under 5s.

She understood very early on my need for a ‘comfort break’ if I was in Helmdon for any length of time and offered me the use of her loo at any time – you always had to fight past sacks of dog food and strings of something or other hanging up to dry to get to it – but she understood my need, and in her dealings with others she saw their need very often before they did themselves.

That’s not to say that we always saw eye to eye on matters, and there were times at Parochial Church Council meetings when I had to be quite firm with her in order to progress the meeting, but she was never resentful and never held a grudge.

She was greatly saddened when she had to stop working as a tutor for the Open University and jumped at the chance of pursuing the role of Lay Reader – as it was then. This she did with her usual diligence and when she was eventually licensed was a great help in all sorts of parish matters – throughout the Benefice, engaging with young and old: one moment leading the Under Fives service, another having a serious discussion about matters of faith with a group of adults, then taking confirmation classes, or working with the youth group, providing insights at our regular Pastoral meetings, proof reading something that I had written for the Deanery Magazine,

or maybe providing lunch on a camp fire at the side of the road for those cycling on the Historic Churches bike ride. Yes, Formidable is a good word to describe her. In all my years discussing upcoming funerals I have never had one as uplifting, as full of humour or joyous as that when we arranging today which speaks volumes about who Jean was.

I must leave you with her words about herself which speaks of a lady of great inner strength and understanding:

“So there you have me according to my own version. Some people think I am academic and perhaps they think me more academic than I ever was. Some find me brusque and argumentative but I am less confident than I seem. Some reject me as an old maid and there’s no denying that fault but I have several handles and if one doesn’t fit your hand try another. I’m not very easily shocked, though I value what is right. I am very ignorant about sports and TV and cult personalities, but I’m willing to talk about anything, even these things or things that may distress us to dwell upon on such unspeakable matters as God and sin and death. I once stood at the corner of church St discussing the weather with Mrs Willie Humphrey; for want of knowing anything else to talk to her about I said ‘whatever the weather I said we can’t change it, and we shall have to like it or lump it’. ‘No’ she retorted with great emphasis, ‘we shall have to like it’. What an example she set me, to exploit my argumentativeness.

If when I meet you I try to make you remember the sunny days surely that is not a bad thing.”

John Roberts

Lastly … Words from her niece Kate Bullimore

Sadly, I am the only member of Jean Spendlove’s family who was able to attend her funeral. ‘Cousin Jean’ was how I knew her growing up, although, with characteristic precision, she would often sign herself first cousin two times removed. However she has been happy for me to call her simply Jean for many years.

Jean was in fact my grandmother’s cousin, their mothers were sisters, both originally from Yorkshire where Jean’s grandparents continued to live until the 1950s. However my great grandmother had moved to Wainfleet in Lincolnshire with her husband, who was a teacher, and it was through them that Jean’s mother, Mary White, met her father Kenneth Spendlove, who was at that time head of the Magdalen College School in Wainfleet. The two families continued to live near each other for many years, and so, despite a large age gap, Jean and her sister Margaret knew my grandmother very well.

Jean had a strong sense of family. I am sure many of you will remember Margaret, who Jean remained close to despite their not seeing each other for many years after Margaret moved to Canada, and who owned a house in Helmdon until her death. I remember visits to Jean and her father, who she cared for in his last years, when I was very young, and later visits by her, sometimes with Margaret, to my grandparents and other family members in Yorkshire.

There were other cousins who Jean remained in contact with throughout their lives, including my great uncle Frank Witty, another Margaret, Margaret Dale, and John Rees who visited Jean in Helmdon and made her an executor of his will, although she was not well enough to carry out the role. They are all gone now. Jean was the last of her generation, to the best of my knowledge the last on both sides of her family. I never met any relatives on her father’s side but I heard her speak of some with fondness, especially her uncle David, I think actually a great uncle, who lived with her parents for a time. She was meticulous in making sure Valerie, her niece who lives in Canada, was offered any family heirlooms in her possession, right down to small objects from her childhood home.

Grandmother’s cousin may sound like a distant relationship but Jean was much closer than that name might suggest, and was a familiar figure to two generations of my family during our childhoods. Her love of reading and learning in particular was a significant influence, something I am sure pleased her a good deal. Books always were her signature gift to children for birthdays and Christmas. My mother, who is unable to travel to the funeral, recalls how the books Jean got for her and her brother were always thoughtfully chosen, never just the nearest work from the children’s bookshelf at W H Smith. Her gift of The Hobbit sparked a life long love of Tolkien and The Rose and the Ring prompted my mother to read more works by Thackeray in later life, both books were later passed to me and I enjoyed them just as much. The gift from Jean I remember most is The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, the first book that griped me so much I read it in a single day, and the one which turned me, aged seven, into an avid reader. On another occasion the gift was a short typewritten book written by Jean herself, which I still have, along with a hard back copy of her published book, the historical novel For Freedom to be Equal set during the French Revolution, which was praised for being successfully written from the point of view of a young blind woman..

Jean was, I believe, delighted, when my mother asked her to be my godmother, a choice made in part because of her strong Christian faith. She took the tie very seriously. I remember in particular Jean’s kindness to me when I was an undergraduate student, forgiving me entirely for choosing to study at Cambridge instead of following her to Oxford. Although not well off she would always insist on buying me a meal when she visited, and would invariably show interest, support and encouragement, sharing tips for tutorials and essay writing from her own experience as both student and teacher. In good weather she would bring her dog Nimbus and we would go for a walk together. Once I was able to repay some of her kindness by extracting her from the river Cam, which she had fallen into while extracting Nimbus, and then smuggling her into my college bathroom to clean up.

It was shortly after that that my grandmother’s brother Frank became very ill. Jean was the family member who lived nearest, and it was characteristic of her that she rushed straight in to help, working generously and tirelessly to make sure her cousin Frank was well cared for during what it was soon clear would be his final illness, and later helping to arrange his funeral. It was a great relief to my grandmother, whose husband, my grandfather, was also ill at the time, and we were all deeply grateful for her kindness and support.

After Jean asked me to be one of her executors in 2008 I began a series of visits to her in Helmdon, where she was always welcoming, usually sending me off with some fresh fruit or home made jam. I will always look back on these visits, and this village with fondness. I won’t speak too much on Jean’s life in Helmdon, as I know others will do so, but she would often talk, with great appreciation of her friends here and it was and is really great to see how much she was valued.

She had a formidable mind and a wide range of knowledge, while also being capable of a very intense and detailed focus. Conversation with Jean could certainly keep you on your toes. She had strong convictions, but was always happy to test a point by vigorous discussion. She was passionate about history, especially the effect of the French Revolution on Brittany, a place she loved and visited frequently, and also a great lover of classic literature. However her interests were far from being entirely academic, and she was just as happy to discuss apple picking, flowers, her favourite local walks or her much loved dogs, as she was to dive into historical research.

She was a strong supporter of causes close to her heart, including higher education for women and aid for victims of torture. Her Christian faith was, of course, hugely important to her as I’m sure everyone here knows. She was generous with her time, and always ready to give what she could to others.

The physical and mental frailty at the end of her life must have been hugely difficult for her, but she faced it with tremendous courage and resolution. However when I look back it will not be her last years I remember, but the vigorous and always busy woman that she was for so long. I’m sure that’s how she would want it.

Her niece Val described her passing to me as the end of an era. For our family it is. Perhaps it is for Helmdon as well.

“So there you have me according to my own version. Some people think I am academic and perhaps they think me more academic than I ever was. Some find me brusque and argumentative but I am less confident than I seem. Some reject me as an old maid and there’s no denying that fault but I have several handles and if one doesn’t fit your hand try another. I’m not very easily shocked, though I value what is right. I am very ignorant about sports and TV and cult personalities, but I’m willing to talk about anything, even these things or things that may distress us to dwell upon on such unspeakable matters as God and sin and death. I once stood at the corner of church St discussing the weather with Mrs Willie Humphrey; for want of knowing anything else to talk to her about I said ‘whatever the weather I said we can’t change it, and we shall have to like it or lump it’. ‘No’ she retorted with great emphasis, ‘we shall have to like it’. What an example she set me, to exploit my argumentativeness.

If when I meet you I try to make you remember the sunny days surely that is not a bad thing.”

Kate Bullimore